Wagner’s Ring Cycle, presented by the Sydney Symphony in 3 minutes.
Get it? Got it? GOOD.
It’s all finalized. KU received my contract and I’ve talked to the faculty here that I needed to talk to. It was really hard to tell my band director that I wasn’t going to return in the fall. He was just so understanding and encouraging. I really do love each and every one of the faculty here and I will miss them with all my heart. And the chair of the department is so wonderful and I shall miss singing in his choir. But a new chapter of my life will begin and I’m excited to continue my story.
So my teacher finally heard the rumors for my transferring and asked me about them today. I hardly knew what to say. I told her I had auditioned and was accepted to KU and that I was still waiting on sending in my contract. Which is true. She told me that she wanted to understand why I was thinking that and she wouldn’t hold it against me if I did leave. She was just so kind and understanding and I wish we could’ve had this talk about 2 months ago. I should’ve been straight forward with things, but I don’t like confrontation. So my feels are on over drive right now. Here on my desk next to me is my contract and I’m half tempted to not send it. But then again, I’ve worked hard all on my own to get accepted into KU, why should I back out now? I’m confused and conflicted and I just want to cry. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know who to talk to and I don’t know what to say. It’s all on me to make a choice. I could stay here, keep my friends, keep my teacher, stay in a small and intimate setting for school. Or I could go and try out the big school and be one of 20 other horn players. I’d have competition and a way to see how I’m doing as a player. But, I’d be lonely for a while. I’m not coming in as a freshman and I’m not a part of an upperclassman group. I’d be stuck in an awkward in between. Yet, I proved to myself that I can make it into a big university. I can compete with them and I can make it work. It’s just scary to have to commit to something when I really need some more time to think it over. I wish I had just another week to think about things. I wish I had talked with my teacher months ago. Now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and it worries me. I do have a place to be next year, it’s only a matter of where.
Done with my sophomore screening! That is such a relief to be done. Now I can breathe for a little bit.
Had a long talk with my former teacher and he talked me through all the pros and cons of transferring. I feel a lot better about things and it’s a comfort that he is willing to help me through this even though he could choose to have nothing to do with me. He will forever be one of my favorite teachers.
In other news, I need to decide where I’m living for the summer.. probably should just live at home and rake in the money. (benefits of living in the oil boom) However, I could move to Kansas and begin establishing my residency… It would be weird to live so far away from home for so long.
Here’s to growing up.
This is becoming real.
I wasn’t ever sure this would be real.
I think after I finish this composition, I shall retire as a composer. This really isn’t my thing… and 12-tone music really kinda messes with my brain too much.
I should’ve started this earlier… sigh.
I cannot express the amount of frustration I have right now…